Self-care: why it’s ok to be your own best friend
“Winter is the time for comfort, for good food and warmth, for the touch of a friendly hand and for a talk beside the fire: it is the time for home.”
Edith Sitwell
What self-care rituals can you put in place to help you through the winter months? We all know there are less hours of daylight. We all know we are more drawn towards comfort food and staying under our duvets a bit longer. We all (well most of us) have been excited about Christmas and the reappearance of Mariah Carey, mince pies, mulled wine and chocolate oranges!
A chance at least for a few days escape from the year we’ve had? Yes, but let’s remind ourselves that there are lots of ways to embrace the season and comfort ourselves without making ourselves feel, erm, yuk. What would your best friend say to you.. I bet they would have your best interests at heart. Make sure you do too! We’ve made it through a tough year but is ’rewarding’ ourselves with too much unhealthy stuff really a reward? 🤔
Be mindful of your body
Don’t deprive yourself of something but try not to over-indulge either. Respect yourself. Respect your body and all the wonderful functions it performs for you, even while you sleep! Give yourself the gift of health as when we value our health, our experience of life changes. It’s true! I’d love to help you support yourself, love yourself and create a healthy self-care plan, just get in touch!
“He who has health, has hope; and he who has hope has everything” ✨
Thomas Carlyle
It’s a good idea to raise your home comfort levels so you are not always relying on food or alcohol to fill any void, especially in the limbo period between Christmas and New Year. Try mindful eating as when we slow down and really appreciate each bite, where our food has come from and what nourishment it contains, we re-connect to food in a healthy way. It’s all about balance.✨
Find ways to treat yourself that doesn’t involve consuming to excess – maybe a snuggly blanket, some new cushions and scented candles? A lovely warm bubble bath with your fave music.. Reading a book laying on faux fur snuggled by the fire.. Catching up with friends or family on the phone..? Let yourself feel the magic of these things! ✨
Time for self-care, reflection and planning ahead
The good thing about winter is it’s a time when we can reflect on the year passed (👋bye bye 2020!!) and start planning for the year ahead. I know it still feels like there are lots of things outside of our control but actually there are lot of things within our control as well (so you can’t keep using Covid as an excuse!)
What we CAN do now is get aware of ourselves, get grounded again and start to sow the seeds of change. Hibernation is a survival strategy which animals use to conserve energy when conditions are harsh. So slow down and be kind to yourself. Stay in tune with yourself and your needs and treat yourself like your own best friend.🤗
Speak kindly, touch softly, move your beautiful body for that is what makes it feel good, then relax in comfort.. for that makes it feel good too! Treat your senses. Live with every cell of your body. Rest, rejuvenate and revive. ✨
What has been lacking?
People have been affected by the pandemic in different ways but we are all more than aware of how the loss of certainty and the loss of our freedom has caused anxiety, loneliness, diminished energy and lack of motivation. Many of us have also suffered increased stress, negative self-talk and lack of confidence in ourselves (and the world). Humph..
The truth is we are meant to grow and develop. We enjoy having things to look forward to, things to work for and variety in life. The problem is that things stagnated a bit this year (well quite a lot!) and this put pressure on our relationships, our jobs, our parenting, our home life.. to name but a few.
CARE for your SELF
It almost seems like self-care before Corona was considered a luxury, but I think it’s now seen as a necessity which is surely a good thing? So this post is a homage to the self and I encourage you to be your own best friend so that you can nourish your mind, body and soul this winter ✨
Self-awareness: some questions to ask yourself
• How does my self-care (or lack of it) influence my feelings about myself?
• What needs to change in the year ahead to help move me closer to loving myself fully and unconditionally?
• What boundaries could I put in place to protect my energy?
• Am I trying to control external circumstances too much?
Remember that other people’s choices and behaviours are up to them. You can obviously speak up if it’s impacting your own sense of self-worth, but it’s not up to YOU to change people or control everything. For one thing, it’s exhausting! When we focus our energy back on ourselves and fill our cup, we can then give to others, and it sets us free from looking externally for blame or for the answers.
What would your best friend do?
👉 Be your biggest cheerleader. Recognise the potential in yourself in the same way as a best friend would. You then have a choice whether to act on it or not. What would the best version of you do? What would they say? Dress like? Empower yourself with empowering habits which raise your vibration and your sense of self-worth. ✨
👉 Choosing yourself is not selfish. Choosing yourself and protecting your energy is essential! Only then will you have the vitality and trust in yourself to be your best self. Communicate your needs and your boundaries. This is where many (myself included) have gone wrong in the past. But it’s ok as long as long as we learn from it and take steps to not repeat the same old patterns.
👉 Get honest. A best friend would tell you when you’ve had enough to drink. A best friend would support you if you were trying to lose a few pounds, leave a damaging relationship, or get fit.. because they would WANT what is best for you. Now ask yourself these 2 questions to get honest with yourself…1. Do you WANT what is best for you? 2. Do your actions demonstrate this? I’m guessing the answer to the first question is YES and the answer to the second question is maybe NO ? (If the answer to the first question is NO then we need to talk!)
Ways to be your own best friend and fill your cup✨
👉 Positive mantra: Saying to yourself “I love you, I support you, I approve of you” are all effective ways to build your sense of self-worth. It might feel a little crazy at first saying it over and over (even in your head!) but stick with it because it is super effective. ✨
Verbally giving ourselves approval opens the gateway for self-love and self-care as it helps us to love ourselves unconditionally 💖. It tells us that we are worthy of spending time caring for ourselves, and that we are worthy of our own love. In this way we become more trusting and open to giving and receiving love from others too.
👉 Take action: Another way of communicating to ourselves that that we are deserving is through our actions. Think about what you would do for a best friend – cook a lovely dinner, go for a spa day. Unless we start making some small positive changes to our thinking where we respect ourselves, together with actions that carve out nourishing time for ourselves, then nothing will really change.
👉 Say no – If you’re a people pleaser you might find it hard to say ’no’. Communicate some boundaries to protect your emotional and physical energy. This is YOU protecting yourself in the same way a best friend would. Try to do it in a compassionate way, not in a defensive way, as then we have respect for ourselves and the other person.
👉 Focus on YOU and what you will and won’t tolerate for the benefit of your self-care and everyone’s best interests! Remember that relationships involve a bit of give and take though – we can’t expect someone to keep doing something for us if we are not prepared to something for them. We all know that giving can feel wonderful… just try not too over-give as this depletes our energy.
👉 Celebrate your wins – Praise yourself when you are making progress. Call yourself out when you are making excuses! Accept that you have flaws and that there is room for improvement but these do not define you. What defines you is the person you are wanting to become and the actions you are starting to take. One of my coaching tools that I use with clients is to ask them to write a Letter of Appreciation to themselves which is great for self-awareness and acceptance ✨
Be your own best friend moving into 2021
In the year ahead I’m going to try living a more intentional life, with more awareness of how I’m spending my time and put some boundaries in place to protect my emotional energy. It’s about finding clarity and balance between what you enjoy doing, and what you have to be doing.. between what gives you energy and what drains your energy.
The good thing about increasing our health and wellbeing is that when we consciously start to engage in life, we get a life worth living. Amen to that!
If you’re interested what I will be doing: I will be reading more books to expand my learning, going for walks or bike rides, hot bubbly baths, trying to focus on healthy nutrition(!), staying hydrated, doing my evening gratitude (if I remember!) plus some positive affirmations throughout the day. Also I want to start doing my morning stretch routine again, plus a weekly pamper session because… you guessed it.. I’m worth it! 😆 And so are you!
Love yourself. You are worthy of your care and love. Fill your cup. ✨
