Progress over perfection – be kind to yourself

With Covid still lingering and showing no signs of going away anytime soon, many of us have been feeling anxious and confused. I know many of my clients have felt overwhelmed and worried about what the future holds.

Perhaps you feel unsure of your purpose right now, as maybe your work situation has changed? Remember to be kind to yourself as these changes are not self-inflicted; they are outside of your control. For many, the current norm is to stay home and do the best we can with the situation we’re in.

Ways to be kind to yourself

This period of limbo can be hard in many ways, even if we have a safe and loving home environment. It’s no shame to feel deflated, unmotivated or lacking direction right now. That’s how millions of people are feeling. It’s hard to plan anything, hard to celebrate anything.. and therefore hard to look forward to anything!

Keep things in perspective

It’s important to put things into perspective and be grateful for our health and a roof over our heads, something millions of people worldwide don’t have. Even so, a lot of us have been struggling with overwhelm or indeed underwhelm, which can leave us feeling stuck and unable to find the motivation to do anything (humph!).

We then worry about our lack of progress and get even more de-motivated! It’s important to work out which challenges are within our control and which aren’t, so there’s a handy exercise below which can help. But firstly let’s talk about…

Acceptance

Accepting the situation you are in and finding ways to deal with it is key. This is your baseline, and that’s ok. Try to accept whatever situation you’re in, even if it’s not what you want going forward. Any improvement from this, however small, will therefore be a step in the right direction ✨

Once we are no longer dwelling on the negatives of our situation, we are free to move forwards. We realise that taking no action will keep us stuck. You’re not the only one who feels like they’ve made no progress or achieved anything this year, trust me!

To be honest, just staying healthy and half-sane has been achievement this year! And I can tell because you’re reading this post that you care about self-development and making positive changes, so well done ✨

Recognise the strength and resilience within you

The reason we have been going through a rollercoaster of emotions is because we’ve lost our sense of certainty. But remember that you have the strength and resilience within yourself. You have got through challenges before! ✨

Be mindful of what you focus on

What you focus on is what you experience. Most anxiety comes from the inability to let go of the past, or worries about the future. Try being mindful of the present and what it offers, as once each moment is gone you can never get it back. Taking things one day at a time and one task at a time is a great way to make progress, without being overwhelmed. For a related post about overwhelm, click here.

You need to think differently to live differently.

HmmM, interesting point

When you are working on yourself and levelling up it’s important to adopt a GROWTH mindset, not a FIXED mindset. A growth mindset is a much kinder mindset, whereas fixed mindset is a defensive mindset.

👉 A FIXED mindset will say “Well what’s the point?!”…
A fixed mindset will say “I knew I couldn’t do it”…
A fixed mindset will give up when it’s frustrated 😐
A fixed mindset will tap into limiting thoughts that simply aren’t true

✨ We need to be ADAPTABLE and RESILIENT to setbacks ✨

👉A GROWTH mindset will say “I’ll find a different way”…
A growth mindset will say “Show me and I’ll try it”…
A growth mindset will focus on the progress over perfection✨
A growth mindset will say “I LOVE a challenge”…
A growth mindset will say “I CAN” or maybe “I can’t YET, but I’m getting there” 💪

Keep going

There is never only one way! Small steps add up. Don’t give up – keep going, keep trying, keep pushing, keep testing. Be kind to yourself and keep loving yourself as you level up 🤗 Because you are worthy 💐 We’re not looking for BEST, we’re just looking for BETTER. You CAN ✨

Tip for parents… don’t let kids say “I can’t” – change it to “I can’t yet!”✨

This trick works on YOU too!

Sometimes we start off on the right foot with the best of intentions, but life can get in the way and throw us off course. We often face a few challenges, disappointments or things we weren’t expecting that weren’t part of our master plan. And these can affect us physically and mentally so we need to find ways of minimising the impact on our thoughts and behaviour 🥀

So recognise how you are talking to yourself and take steps to be kinder to yourself. Our words and thoughts are powerful. Is your inner voice kind or critical? Are you putting too much pressure on yourself by trying to control too much? One of the best techniques is to determine what you CAN control and what you CAN’T control and adjust your focus accordingly. Here’s the exercise I mentioned above….

If you’re interested in putting some tailored systems in place for you, get in touch or visit my business website here – coachyourlife.co.uk

You are in control of your actions

Have a think of some things you CAN control right now. Things like your sleep, what food enters the house, your home environment, the amount of time you spend on social media. Also, what things are you telling yourself you don’t have any control over when actually you do?… your fitness? Your self-development?

Ask yourself, “Out of everything I can control right now what matters most to me?” It could be your health, your kids education, love and connection maybe… I’m talking about the most important things to you – the things that add value to your life. Another important thing we can control right now is investing in our own self-development (through doing things like reading this blog for example). So give yourself a pat on the back, it’s just another way of being kind to yourself! ✨

Stay present

Another really important indicator of how ‘in control’ we feel is linked to living in the PRESENT MOMENT. When we feel overwhelmed, we tend to spiral into past or future worries. We can then feel our body getting tense, our breath getting shallower, with the result being less oxygen to the brain – which obviously affects our performance.

One of the best ways we can be kind to ourselves is to focus on our breath to stay in the present moment. We then feel more grounded and able to perform at our best, in order to enjoy our day without letting small irritations or worries turn into something bigger💥 There are a few ideas below to help bring your awareness back to the present, back to you and what you DO have control over.

Some questions you can ask to be kind to yourself…

👉 “AM I PRESENT?” (In other words.. Am I grounded in the now, not spiralling back into the past or worrying about something in the future?)

👉 “AM I BREATHING DEEPLY & SLOWLY?”

👉 “HAVE I MOVED MY BODY ENOUGH TODAY?”

👉 “HAVE I DRUNK ENOUGH WATER TODAY?”

👉 “AM I BEING MINDFUL ABOUT FOOD TODAY?”

Try asking these 5 simple questions daily around lunchtime, ⏱️ or set a reminder on your phone mid-morning and mid-afternoon.. then if something’s lacking you can address it waaayy before you get to the end of the day (when you’d probably regret not taking action sooner and the worry train will start again! 😣 No thanks!) If we keep these things in check then it helps us function at our best which in turn helps us RESPOND, rather than REACT 💥

Try the above prompts everyday for a week, and before you know it you will have a new healthy habit (or maybe even 5!) ✨ Let me know if they help or comment below any suggestions that work for you.

In conclusion, if you’ve been feeling overwhelmed or struggling mentally then be kind to yourself. Stay present and stay focused on what you do have control over. And don’t forget to smell the roses… either metaphorically or literally if you can! 🌹 Remember, you are a work in progress. You’ve got this! 💪

Thanks for reading, Caroline x

If you’d like some more tips about self-care, staying present and creating healthy habits then see this related post.